Really?? Seriously??? Worst. Day. Ever.

Ok- so what you are about to read is somewhat unbelievable. But the facts are the facts, and I haven't even changed the names to protect the innocent (or ignorant...me!)

We go to take Gage to the doctor this morning and I realize that my darling husband still has the carseat from the trip to ICE last night. Doh! So I bring out the old one that is too tight and cram Gage into to ride around the corner and get the good one from William at work. We get there, and he doesn't want to get out of the old one. Afterall, it's the "bestest one!"  Thank goodness Dad convinced him to move.

We get to McDonald's to get breakfast (I'm STARVED!) and I am about to order when I go to grab my wallet- it's at home. In the bag we took to ICE last night. UGH! No cash, no debit card, nothing.  Luckily, I scrounge up $2 in dimes from the bottom of my purse (good thing I never clean that thing out!) and we got 2 plain biscuts and 2 small waters.  Breakfast of prisoners, bread and water. Perfect.

Get to the doctor- still no card. Can't pay for the visit. Ugh,

Take Gage to school. I'm dropping him off when the teacher asks if I washed his pillow and blanket for nap over the break. I did. And it's still at home. *sigh* It's ok, they have extras he can borrow one for today.  Out the door and on to work.

Get to work. I go to throw my make-up on in the parking lot (yup- everyone I encountered before 10:30 am, saw a scary scary sight!).  My make-up is in Gage's backpack. With Gage. At school.  Oh well- I resolve myself to just not have make-up today. I go to grab my work laptop bag and it's not there. It's in the floor in my bedroom. Of course.

Back home to get the computer. I can't do ANYTHING without my laptop. Grab Gage's pillow and blanket while I'm there and take it to him (and get my make-up while I'm there).  Throw make-up on and I'm FINALLY ready for work. *Phew* Talk about a crazy morning!!!!

Novel Part 2

More short stories about my funny man from the end of the week.... (or some time in the last few weeks anyway....)

Thanksgiving in Granbury. PawPaw carries the giant, beautiful turkey to the table. Gage watches with a confused look.  "Ummmm, Mama, that's one BIG snail!!" SNAIL?!?!? He thought the roasted turkey was a giant snail. Nice.  It took me a good 30 minutes and 3 other people's input to convince him that it was, indeed, a turkey. Not that that made him taste it.... Happy Thanksgiving, he's eating a peanut butter sandwich and raisins. Delicious.

Last night William was cooking dinner while Gage and I watched TV (doesn't that make William sound really good and me sound really crappy? Oh well, such is life.)  I went in to check and see if I could help (and also to see if William would do that pick you up and pop your back thing- ok, fine! I went to have him pop my back and covered it by asking if he needed help first, shut up. :)) So he picks me up and no luck. Before going back to the couch with Gage, I gave William a kiss. Gage yells from the couch "Awwwww, Daddy that's so niiiiiice!"  Hahahaha!

Snot Happens.  Gage's nose has broken valve or something. I looked at him the other day and his lip was COVERED in snot. I grossed out a bit and said "OH Gage, let's go get you a kleenex." He very, cooly and calmly replied, "No thanks, Mom. I'm just lickin' it." EWWWWWWW! 

I've been telling Gage about Santa (who he either calls Santa, or Christmas Claus.... weird.)  and about how he should be good so that he can get presents.  I told him he better be nice or Santa won't bring him a certain toy he wants and he says "It's ok Mom, then we just go get it for ourselves."  I should have started this conversation with him before he got smarter than me. Doh.

Good Thing....

Ok, I just have to start this off by saying it's a good thing I don't stay home with this kid all the time or I'd have to start a novel for all the hilarity that spills from his being. :) 

That being said, here are a few shorties from my shorty. (Please don't read that in the gansta way.... ew).

First of all, he thinks Daddy wants a Barbie for Christmas. Yup, I'm sure that's exactly what Daddy wants is a barbie.  Today I asked him again and now he thinks that Daddy would like a submarine. I checked with Daddy, and he said as long as it has internet access, a submarine is just fine! :)

Second- I've been teaching him the REAL meaning of Christmas and I think it might be backfiring.  I've explained to him that it's the day Jesus was born and the whole world throws a giant birthday party for Jesus, but we get the gifts just like we get Jesus' love.  Ok- I'm afraid that he is now under the impression that at all birthday parties, the gifts will be for him.... dun dun dun. We'll see.

We were at my brother's house for my mom's birthday Saturday and my gigantor cousin that Gage has never seen before comes in.  After playing a little bit, he does the "Give me five, OH you're too slow..." gimmick and taps Gage on the cheek.  Gage says, with hands on hips, "We don't hit." with his calmest, sternest voice.  Funny to see a 6'4, 280 lb man put in his place by a 3 year old. There were no words.... just laughter. :)

He got to play rough with Uncle Jacob and was just in heaven. That night when I put him down he said "Mama, I like playing with Uncle Jacob. He doesn't get hurt like you do." Touche kid, touche.

Ohhhhhh Orcas and Poop....

Gage has been in sort of a cry-baby mood. His allergies are bad and he just doesn't feel quite right. Well, I had told him to stop splashing or he was going to get out of the tub. One giant splash later, I've unplugged the tub and he's VERY upset! Kicking, screaming, red in the face tantrum upset. Daddy gets him out of the tub and wraps him up. Luckily for Gage, he has the most patient, loving, understanding Daddy God ever made.  William gets the tantrum under control (quite impressively) and starts talking to him about WHY he had to get out. Here's the conversation:
William: "Baby, do you know why you had to get out of the tub?"
Gage: "I WANT my bath, Daddy!!!"
William: "I know. I'm sorry. But why did we have to get out? Remember Mama asked you to stop doing something?"
Gage: "Splashing. :( "
William: "Right, Baby. You were splashing after Mama said to stop. It could mess up the house if you splash too much."
Gage: "But Daddy, *chin quiver, heart-broken sobs* I was just trying to splash to scare the Orcas away!*sob sob sob*"

AWWWW! He was trying to scare the orcas away in his bath.  I don't know what the bigger bummer is, that he had to abandon the bath or that the orcas were chasing him in the tub. :)



Be warned. If you are queasy about poop, don't read this part. :) But it's funny.

Gage has gone back to the pooping every 3 days thing. *sigh* And tonight was poop night. He finally poops and William turns the fan on. Gage gets mad because he hates noisy stuff (ironic, I think....). He says "Daddy, I can't hear when you do that!! Turn it off!"
William says "No Baby, this will get the stink away."
Gage "BUT DADDY I NEEEEEED THE STINK!"
Nice.
Ok- so he poops and then he just pushes forever.  Well, he's pushing and toots. He gets an excited surprised look and looks in the potty and says "Nope. Nothing."  HAHAHA! He thought he'd pooped and it was just a toot. hahahaha! "Mama, dat was just a toot. Nothing else."

How much does it cost....?

So when Gage was about 2, anytime he would ask me for something I would tell him "Sure, but it's going to cost you....." He'd ask "How much?" and I would tell him "One Kiss." Unless it was something spectacularly difficult, then it might cost one kiss AND one hug. :)  As he got older, all I would have to say was "Ok, but it's going to cost..." and he'd say "ONE KISS!" and give me a kiss.

Sunday night we all went to the grocery store together (a rare occurance...) and as we were standing in line I asked Gage how much he thought our entire basket full of groceries would cost, expecting him to say "A dollar" or something toddlerish like that. You've guessed it already, I'm sure. He answers, quite nonchalantly, "One Kiss." and kisses my cheek. HAHAHA! 

Normal?! Seriously?

Lately Gage has gotten really bad about arguing, growling, yelling, snatching, being ugly and doing this horrible fake cry any time we get onto him. He's spent lots of quality time with timeout and most of the time that helps.  It's been a lot worse since he started school, mostly because he sees all the other kids do it at school and then wants to try it out at home. Nice.  It's driving me nuts. Today I asked his teachers if they've notice him being, for lack of a better word, a turd in general. They said that he's no worse than the other kids and, in fact, he will be the first to give a toy back after snatching it away and even apologize without being told to. Well- I guess that's good.  I miss him all day long and then when we get home he's such a little stinker that I get frustrated with him. I just want to be with him and not be frustrated with how he's acting. *sigh*  I guess we just keep it up with Timeout and pray that he gets over this phase soon. I might ship him to Timbuktu if he doesn't quit soon. :)